It was a muggy August afternoon when I walked into an auditorium where W.M Paul Young, author of The Shack, was telling stories to a crowd of writers. His words upended my relationship with God and fundamentally changed the way I live. He said Christians love to talk about being “used” by God, but we don’t have relationships with our tools. God doesn’t want to just use us, he wants to do things with us—a father/son or father/daughter project.
I had a visual of a soapbox derby with the cars lined up from worst to best. The worst was made of cardboard with garbage can lids for wheels. The best was polished mahogany, with chrome hubcaps and velvet seat covers. Can you see the kids’ faces? One brushes old coffee grounds off his hood. He can’t face the crowd. Another polishes a gleaming fender and waves to his fans. I realized the difference between these cars isn’t the kid—it’s the time they spent with Dad.
When I write, I don’t want to create garbage-can-lids and coffee-grounds. And I don’t want a cardboard life. I want chrome and velvet. Who doesn’t? But creating something meaningful is more difficult than great plots and catchy turns of phrase. A Newberry award would be nice, but would it actually matter in the long run? The world is full of hurting, needy people. How do I produce something profound and life-changing to help them? The truth is I can’t; I am not enough.
Moses wasn’t enough and said as much at the burning bush1. God didn’t disagree. Instead, God told him, you don’t have to be enough, because I AM. Then God invited Moses to be his friend, to walk with him through the wilderness. The result was, Moses, who had been afraid to speak, became powerful in speech and action2, as well as becoming arguably one of the most influential people in history.
Jesus’s disciples said the same thing when he told them to feed 5,000 people. They were incredulous. “It would take more than half a year’s wages . . .for each one to have a bite!”3 Jesus still sent them off to see what they had, knowing it wouldn’t be enough. I’m convinced he wanted to make sure they’d done everything they could and would still come up short. He wanted them to understand their solutions will never be enough, they will always be garbage-can-lids and coffee-grounds—until they’re completely in the hands of God.
But that’s where Jesus’s story jumps off the page and into reality. He takes a kid’s lunch, that wouldn’t have satisfied one adult, and turns it into enough to not only feed the crowd, but to stuff them and have twelve baskets left over.
Can my life be like that? How about my writing? Jesus says yes. In fact, rivers of living water will flow from within [you].4
How? I’m convinced the secret is time.
Theologian Dallas Willard says if I want my life filled with God’s love and power, “God in his glorious reality must be brought before the mind and kept there in such a way that the mind takes root and stays fixed there.”5
Dr. Willard was describing John 15 where Jesus spells out the criteria for a fruitful, powerful life. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. He elaborates further with, apart from me you can do nothing. No matter how talented I think I am, or how shiny I can make my work look, there is no middle ground.
Jesus makes another world-shattering statement for those who choose to really plug in. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
When I want life-changing power in my writing, and the being who invented the sunset and the aurora borealis makes an offer like that, I’d be a fool not to listen.
Theologian Henri Nouwen described how I can learn to “remain.” He noted that we live full, busy lives, yet we’re empty. He made a hole in his schedule and didn’t fill it with anything. God poured himself into that hole and filled his entire life.6
Pastor Chris Brown explains what it means to remain. When things are hard and I get discouraged, I don’t find solutions to my problems that go against God’s instructions for my life. I stay with God and he’ll do something amazing with both me and my problems.
After listening to Paul Young, I went for a walk with Papa God to talk about the novel I was writing. “Are we really doing this together? If so, I need ideas.” A holy bucket dumped over my head, pouring out scenes and plot twists, incredible creatures (I write fantasy), and backstories. As I wrote, unplanned characters walked on the page. They turned out to be my favorites. And best of all, when I had no ideas for the underlying message, God told his story in deep truths and illustrations.
In the end a reader told me they “felt the hand of God and heard his whispers in the writing.” Others told me how much it encouraged them and gave them hope. One posted quotes from it on their cubicle wall at work. Another was moved enough at the end that he sat down at the piano and wrote a song for the theme.
Was it me? I pressed the letters on the keyboard and struggled through a thousand edits and rewrites. I stayed up late and got up early, and didn’t give up when chapters just wouldn’t write. But I know I’m not enough. I also know I don’t have to be. We live in a five-loaf, five-thousand-mouth world. The distance between what I need and what I have is so big, nothing I do will come close to being enough. There is never enough time, money, energy, patience or creativity. But Jesus knows it’s that way. And that’s the point. I’m not supposed to be able to do it. I’m supposed to bring my meager lunch to him, and he’ll make it into a feast.
1. Exodus 3
2. Acts 7:22 NIV
3. John 6:7 NIV
4. John 7:38 NIV
5. Willard, Dallas. The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering Our Hidden Life In God (Kindle Locations 6009-6010). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition
6. Making All Things New: An Invitation to the Spiritual Life
There are so many profound takeaways in this message. My favorite being: “I realized the difference between these cars isn’t the kid—it’s the time they spent with Dad.” This is beautiful written. I need more help with my father/daughter project.